In February, 2007, my partner, Lisa Marie Pond, died from a brain aneurysm. Our family was dreaming of white sandy beaches and blue water as we were getting ready to set sail on the R Family Vacation cruise out of Miami to the Bahamas. Instead Lisa, who was very healthy, collapsed while watching our children play basketball on the top deck.

The kids were brave souls and carried Lisa down to the stateroom where I took one look at her and knew it was very serious, she couldn't talk at all and had no ability to stand. I will always have to live with the memory of the trauma our children endured by watching as their "other" mom was dying before their eyes.

Fortunately, Lisa and I knew sign language because we have had many foster children who had language delays. So I signed and asked her if she hit her head and she replied very sternly, in sign language, "No." That is when I thought it was a stroke or some other serious brain event.

The kids and I packed all our belongings and hurried off the boat while Lisa was intubated and taken to the local trauma hospital in Miami.

The kids and I waited and watched for word about Lisa, finally when someone appeared I was told that I was in "an anti-gay city and state" and that I would need a healthcare proxy before I was allowed to see my partner of nearly 18 years or know of her condition.

I immediately called our closest friend in our hometown of Olympia, Washington, who went to our house, found our legal documents and faxed them to the hospital in Miami.

In those three hours, desperate for information about Lisa, I paced and watched other families being brought back into the trauma center, yet my family waited, with no word about Lisa's condition.

Our children - Danielle, David, and Katie - and I lost the ability to be with Lisa in her last moments of consciousness, to hold her hand and to say goodbye.

When I finally was allowed to see Lisa it was with a priest to perform her last rites.

To this day, I have not received Lisa's death certificate directly from Miami or the state of Florida. Instead I had to ask the funeral home to request them for me because we were not a recognized couple. Thie may be insignificant, but without a death certificate, our children's Social Security benefits were held up, as well as life insurance benefits.