Written by a mother whose son attended Lincoln Public Schools.

Dear Educators:
I am the proud mother of a fifteen-year-old son. I have been asked to write to you in an effort to educate you in the needs of our gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered children. By sharing our story with you, it is my hope that other children and parents can be spared the pain and frustration our family has endured.

My son's problems started when other children in the fifth and sixth grade began directing hurtful epithets and abusive language toward him. He was called "faggot" and "queer" as he walked down the halls of his elementary school. The constant name calling was clearly a case of "sexual orientation harassment".

My son knew he was different than the other kids, but hadn't yet determined what exactly was different other than he wasn't particularly interested in little girls as were some of the other boys. We had many discussions with the school regarding these name calling sessions and our son was "labeled" by teachers as behaviorally disturbed and placed in a "support group" for such children. Of course, I often felt that I would also be "disturbed" if I were constantly being called names that everyone KNEW were filthy, even though they might not have known exactly what they meant.

When my son entered Junior High School, he began questioning his sexual identity while continuing to struggle with the name calling and the threats. The summer between his seventh and eighth grades was a turning point for him. He experimented with kissing and petting with the girls at a college retreat to see if he could become interested in them. To his terror and chagrin, he could not. In early September, he became severely depressed and attempted suicide by taking an overdose of some vitamins that he knew could hurt him if they reached a toxic level.

At that time, my son began surfing the internet in an effort to find people who understood his feelings; including his fear of what he was beginning to understand. You see, my son did not feel comfortable talking about this with his family. Due to the harassment and degradation he had already encountered, and the stigma society places on homosexuality, he did not believe that his family would accept him. These fears prevented him from reaching out to those he loved for fear of rejection. Further, because he didn't receive a great deal of helpful education or support from school via his teachers and or fellow students, he naturally turned to people with whom he could relate through his only outlet -- the computer.

Sadly, in his desperate search for his identity, my son met a pedophile through the internet. A 40 year old man told my son he was a counselor for gay youth and that if they could meet secretly, he would "help" my son with his problems. My son was sexually assaulted continuously for three months before we discovered, by accident, that this was occurring. The man was eventually charged with pedophilia and sexual assault of a minor.

As my son deposed in an attempt to prosecute this man, he was humiliated and humbled by the defense attorney for being a homosexual. Understandably, my son's anger and confusion grew steadily. He sought out other gay kids his own age that were struggling with their own sexuality. They were depressed and suicidal themselves, causing his anger against an unfair and unjust world to spiral. My son experimented with drugs and alcohol and ran away from home. We placed him in a half-way house in an effort to stem the tide before he did something that we would all regret. His internalized hostility now led to horrible words and physically lashing out at his father and me. It led to many hours of counseling and constant monitoring on our parts.

My son has since come to realize that he alone cannot change the world he lives in, but he has not completely worked through his anger and frustration. He also continually question how we, his parents can love him as much as we do, since society still views him as an unwanted and an accepted individual. He continually struggles with the name calling by both students and faculty at his current high school and some physical abuse from students. He is afraid to innocently look at people during his physical education class for fear that he will be accused of "soliciting". He tremulously holds his boyfriend's hand as they walk down the hall of the local mall or sit in the back of a movie theater, feeling that he should be able to behave as his straight friends do with out fear of repercussions. When the girls giggle around the lunch table about their sexual exploits with their boyfriends, he feels that he should be able to talk as freely as they do. But of course, he cannot.

My son has been threatened by other students. During the last school term, when a female friend's boyfriend discovered that he was gay, the young man tried to beat him up. When we turned him in for assault, the issue was turned around as my son being the instigator. The police officer handling the case told me my son was a pervert.

What are we to think when our schools look the other way and say, "We have no problem here"? What are we to think when the law does not protect all of its citizens? And where is a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered youth to go when all of the usual avenues of support (school, friends, family, religious institutions, and support services) are closed to him/her?

I tell you this very painful story for two reasons. First, I would like you to realize that children begin struggling with their sexual orientation while they are VERY YOUNG! Most gay and lesbian teens who I have had the opportunity to talk with tell me that they have known that they were different from second or third grade, they just didn't have the label to place on the difference or understand why they were different. They realized that they were gay as early as twelve an thirteen years of age. They also know that they don't have a choice in who they are. Their sexual orientation is so much a part of them, they literally cannot be anything else. I believe, and much of the empirical evidence shows, that homosexuality is genetically inherited.

The second reason I've chosen to share our story with you is to beg you to begin educating our young people at a very early age. We should begin teaching acceptance and celebration of diversity as early as pre-school. Teaching our children that it is OK to be different in all ways -- whether the differences are related to race, ethnicity, religion, physical or mental challenges or sexual orientation -- prepares our children for the real world and makes them better human beings. Such education would dispel the fears that our children must deal with as they come to realize that they are "different" from the norm. If we teach tolerance and acceptance, those children that would otherwise suffer the negative repercussions of name-calling and hurtful behavior, can live healthy, productive lives.

Finally, as our children reach the ages of eleven and twelve years old, we need to help them understand that sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls and that this too is normal. They need people that they can talk to openly and honestly about their feelings and fears. They need to know that there are resources for them within the school and community to help them work through their own coming out process. They need positive gay role models who can provide a sense of history and after whom they can model their lives. They need to kow that people like Michelangelo were gay, that Tennessee Williams was gay, that J. Edgar Hoover was gay, that Alexander the Great was gay, that Ellen DeGeneres is gay, that "Aunt Sally" is gay, or "Uncle George" is gay, or "Mr. Smith", the science teacher is gay. You can help gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered youth develop a positive self-image and instill in them a sense of pride that will last a lifetime.

I have heard that many junior high and senior high principals don't believe that our kids (gay or straight) have time to think of sex or their sexual orientation. I tell you, they think of little else. This is an integral part of their growing up experience and we cannot deny that it occurs. But it is also important to understand that when we talk about issues of sexual orientation, we are not talking about sexual behavior. We are dealing with who we are as human beings -- not what we do as sexual beings.

Another important fact that must not be overlooked is that, though only about 10% of you students and faculty are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, there are others whose parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, and colleagues may be same-sex oriented. These children and adults are also gravely wounded when epithets go unnoticed and "fag" jokes go unchecked. It goes to the heart of who we and our loved ones are. As educators and parents, we must recognize and address these issues and needs through education and compassion.

I am hopeful that with the love and understanding of our family, my son will find a place for himself in this world. I know one thing, it would be a great loss for our family and our community if he were not here.

This is my story. Please don't, by your inaction, let it be another family's story. It is far to painful.

Used with permission.