A Mother's Thoughts Upon Certification of the Lincoln Unitarian Church as a Welcoming Congregation

One at a time they were born, and we fell in love with them: first John, then Maren, Topher, and Andy. Alan and I cherish vivid memories of each of them growing up. We remember the fun and the fatigue that went with parenting four individuals in the conforming 50's, and the flower-child 60's and 70's. Now they are homeowners and career-tenders -- fully credentialed adults. Two are themselves parents of five, soon to be seven, grandchildren.
It seeped slowly into my consciousness as the children grew that, for better or worse, I was captured in a lifetime bond with each of them. Friendships end. Work can change. Married people divorce. For us, being parents, being advocates for our children, is forever, and it has involved challenges we did not anticipate at the beginning.

Unconditional commitment came long before we had a clue about the hard lesson John would teach, that resistance to the Vietnam war was a moral position. Maren at 20 traveled alone in Europe while we worried at home. Topher was a teenager with firm opinions, terminally ragged jeans, and hair that touched the bottom of his shoulder blades. And when Andy told us at age 15 that he was gay, we began a demanding, and wondrous learning adventure that has been formative for all our family.

We were so lucky in 1973 to be Unitarian Universalists. Alan and I had been training teachers and our teenagers had been participating in classes using the then-new UU curriculum, About Your Sexuality. This precedent-setting material gave honest and respectful treatment to same-sex relationships. Its most powerful resource was a moving first-person audiotape of a gay man talking about his life. These lessons offered accurate information and an opportunity to talk seriously in an educational setting about sexuality. For most UU adults as well as for young people, this was our first real education about what it meant to be gay.

Alan and I know all too well from our experience with Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, that religion can create devastating barriers for lesbian, gay , bi, and transgendered persons and their families. Being in a church that prepared and supported us was a gift beyond words. It enabled us to listen, to accept, to learn, and finally to advocate as parents to Andy, and as friends to other gay persons. Our lives are astonishingly enriched by these relationships. We are proud allies and advocates to gay people in their struggles for recognition, dignity, and equality.

Lois Hansen is PFLAG Lincoln-Cornhusker Parent.

Used with permission.