Are you sure about your sexual orientation?
Don't raise the issue unless you're able to respond with confidence to the question, "Are you sure?" Confusion on your part will increase your parent's confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.

Are you comfortable with your sexuality?
If you are wrestling with guilt and periods of depression you'll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part. It will require a reserve of positive self-image.

Do you have support?
In the event your parents' reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.

Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality?
Your parents will probably react based on a lifetime of misinformation from a homophobic society. If you've done some serious reading on the subject, you'll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.

Do you have resources available?
Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents (you can find these in bookstores or call PFLAG), a contact for the local or national PFLAG, and/or the name of a counselor who can fairly deal with the issue.

What's the emotional climate at home?
If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they're not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery, or the loss of a job.

What is your general relationship with your parents?
If you have gotten along well and have known their love and shared your love for them in return, chances are, given some time, they will be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.

What is their moral societal view?
If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad, or holy/sinful, you anticipate they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they've evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.

Are you financially dependent on you parents?
If you suspect that they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of their home, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.

What's your motive for coming out now?
Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon. This can leave them wondering if what you've shared is true, or whether you simply said it to hurt, shock, or anger them. Oftentimes, a gay or lesbian person may choose tho come out to the entire extended family at a holiday gathering. This has more often than not, disastrous consequences and often serves the purpose of fueling the negative response some family members may have to this new information.

Can you be patient?
Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven't considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years or beyond. Some parents never deal with it.

Is this your decision?
Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don't be pressured into it if you're not sure you'll be better off by doing so - no matter what their response.

Source: Courtesy of the St. Paul/Minneapolis PFLAG Chapter
Used with permission.